


Letting it out and letting go

by justme (silver_spring)



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Gen, mutton., mutton?, this is all in good fun so don't stone me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-15
Updated: 2017-05-15
Packaged: 2018-11-01 04:20:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 644
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10914219
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silver_spring/pseuds/justme
Summary: Giant bearded Wildlings have feelz too.





	Letting it out and letting go

**Author's Note:**

> This is crackfic.  
> You have been warned.  
> While I am team "Ship who you wanna ship", I myself do not like the idea of Brienne and Tormund. So I guess that should let you know which direction this is gonna go..

Jon stopped in his tracks as he was making rounds. There was a faint noise coming from behind a pile of empty barrels in the corner next to the main gate of Winterfell. Edging closer to the noise he carefully and silently unsheathed Longclaw, ready to strike down a possible intruder. When he finally rounded the barrels, he froze, Longclaw poised for a blow.

"Tormund?!" he exclaimed.

The bearded Wildling looked up and wiped his tear-stained cheeks.

"What?" He tried to snap, but it came out more a croak.

"What is a good question. What are you doing here, in the cold...crying?" Jon asked, putting his sword away.

"I'm not crying!" His friend replied, proving his words wrong with yet another sniffle.

"What are you doing then?"

"I am in mourning." Tormund declared solemnly.

Jon rolled his eyes. Dying once had been enough, so he wasn't about to tell an armed Wildling that it looked suspiciously the same as crying. 

"Alright. Why are you in mourning?" He asked instead.

"I saw that pretty boy from the South make sweet sweet love to my warrior amazon. And she _liked_ what he was doing to her, too! He didn't even have to steal her! My heart is broken!"

Raising his brows Jon took a step back. Everyone in Winterfell knew that Tormund had designs on the Lady Brienne. And everyone in Winterfell _but_ Tormund knew that those designs would never be realized. It hadn't even needed Jaime Lannister coming North for that, but the appearance of the one-handed former Kingsguard and now Lord of Casterly Rock should've definitely driven the point home for even the most dim-witted fool. Upon arriving, the first thing Lannister had done had been to seek out the Lady, dip her back as if she were a dainty woman half her size and proceed to kiss her senseless before dragging her off. That had been yesterday and since then the couple hadn't reemerged from Lady Brienne's bedchamber. 

"Oh. Well..I..don't really know what to say."

"That's no surprise. You know nothing." Tormund scoffed. Jon felt a wave of anger coming on. He'd seen a lot of things, experienced a lot of things. He knew things, dammit!

"I know where to put it and apparently so does Lord Jaime." He said smugly to get back at the man in front of him. Tormund growled, but then, just when Jon was ready to draw his sword again in defense of whatever the Wildling was going to throw at him, his growl turned into a wail.

"I know he does! I stood in the doorway for ages as they were hidden by furs and they never even saw me. He made her scream his name thrice before I couldn't bear it anymore. Aaaagh! What was I thinking anyway, about stealing the warrior woman for myself. I got my pecker half torn off by a she-bear, I could never make her scream like that."

Pressing his hands in front of his face, the sniffling sounds picked up again. Jon sighed. The long night was almost upon them, he did not have time for this. Sinking down next to his bearded friend, he awkwardly put his arm around Tormund's shoulder.

"There, there. It'll be fine. How about we go ranging tomorrow? And.. I promise if we come across a she-bear, I will look the other way."

"You'd do that for me?"

"Of course."

Tormund gave him a watery grin and got up with a groan.

"You are a true friend, Snow. Now walk with me to the kitchens, I need some mutton grease."

"What for?"

"If I'm to meet my next wife tomorrow, I want to smell my best." Tormund replied.

Jon threw up in his mouth a little, but obediently got to his feet as well, following his friend. He'd never understand those Wildlings..

**Author's Note:**

> Yup.


End file.
